owen & co.

My best friend and her newest babe and her family. 

I can't possibly describe what this mama means to me. But that's ok because I think these images come close. 

(Mamiya 645 ProTL and Canon eos3 with Fuji 400h and Kodak Tri-x film) 

the new rules

In the beginning, when I first discovered photography, my creative soul was at its most happiest point. I loved everything about this new-found passion. All I wanted to do was go out and make shoots happen for myself and that's exactly what I did, non-stop. I shot anyone and everyone who'd let me. People would let me into their homes, give me a time and a space in which to create exactly how I wanted to create, I'd give them their image files, they were happy, and I was happy. It was so blissfully simple. And guess what- a large majority of it was for free. 

Fast-forward a few years. 

My photography has gained a decent social media following. I've raised my prices substantially more than once. People are coming to Utah from all around the country to attend my FILM WITH SAM workshop. There are those who've coined me "a photographer's photographer." I've gotten to meet a lot of amazing clients, work with well-known brands, and have co-founded a large photography conference. 

I'd be lying if I didn't admit that, somewhere along the way, a bit of all that may have gone to my head. It feels good to feel wanted and valued and respected. 

But can I tell you something? I've never felt more confused, disheartened, and sadly inadequate in terms of my photography than I have over the last few weeks. Deeply unhappy and anxiety-ridden to the point of seriously entertaining the notion of quitting. And I'm NOT a quitter. 

And then I watched this Creative Live interview with Seth Godin last night in the midst of a full breaking-point ugly cry. 

I didn't even finish watching before I realized my answer- how to reclaim the joy of photography and get back to my WHY. 

For the past year or so, I've slowly but surely allowed myself to forget why I even do photography in the first place. Instead, I've become almost completely consumed with the "numbers"- ALL the numbers. How many followers do I have? How many followers does she/he have in comparison? How many likes? How many comments? What's my COB and COG? How much do I want to make each session? How often do I want to work? How many workshop attendees do I have and how many more spots do I still need to fill? How do I increase my following? How do I increase my follower engagement? On and on and on. 

And that's not even mentioning the "should's." All sorts of should's. Should's that come from within and should's that come from everyone else: "I should be charging at least $XXX per session." "I should be making $XXX per session." "I should value my work more highly and price myself accordingly." "I should do this and should never do that." Should. Should. Should. 

But here's the thing that I finally remembered last night: NONE OF THAT ACTUALLY MATTERS TO ME AT ALL. 

NONE OF IT. 

I didn't get into photography to make buckets of money. I fell in love with photography because I had just had my first baby and stopped working and creating and knew I had to find something to do to get me out of the house, interacting with other people, and creating some form of art in order to feel like a whole, real, alive human. Money and fame and respect never once entered into that equation. Any and all income I brought and still bring in through my own, personal photography work is extra. Sure, it's nice to have extra cash flow- but it's NOT necessary. 

So why have I allowed something that's completely unnecessary to creep in, take control, and dictate everything? It's killing my spirit and I hate it. So guess what? I'm taking it completely out of the equation. We're going ALL THE WAY BACK TO THE BEGINNING- BACK TO MY "WHY." 

I'm DONE with attaching some monetary value to my work that has to be met and paid before I even think about picking up a camera. I'm done with the numbers. Done with the should's. And here's what I'm going to do instead: 

NO SESSION FEES. 

Yup.

Because I'm a 100% film shooter, all I want is my cost of film to be covered. Past that, I DON'T CARE WHAT I MAKE PER SESSION AND I CAN'T EVEN TELL YOU HOW FREEING THAT FEELS. 

The only things I care about is being able to get out of the house, connecting with people, trying to give to others, and having a time and space in which to create. That's all. And I'm ready to make that ALL that matters. 

Now let's talk for a minute about how this is actually going to operate in the real world. 

I only want to shoot 3, maybe 4, sessions a month. That's just enough to fill my creative cup/whole person cup while still giving most my time to my family. So I'm going to take the liberty of being semi-selective in who I give sessions to. I want to give sessions to people who TRULY WANT me, specifically, as a photographer- people who know and VALUE my voice and creativity and vision. What I do isn't for everyone and that's just fine. I don't need everyone to like me. But for those who GET IT, I'm thrilled to give them images (full-resolution files) of their family seen through my camera in exchange for their willingness, enthusiasm, and trust. And THAT'S where the only kind of "exchange" that matters to me will occur.

So yes, simply cover my film costs of $200 and if you want to pay me on top of that, great. If not, great. That's completely up to you and there are NO expectations or pressure from me. Seriously. It doesn't have to feel weird or awkward or like I'm going to judge you or think you're rude or cheap or ANYTHING. I'm stripping this whole thing down to the very CORE of why I do what I do and I promise there are no strings attached. 

In an effort to keep things as simple as possible, all I'm asking for those interested in booking a session, is to email me a short description of your family, a semi-recent photo, and just a little about why you want ME to photograph you. That's it. 

Is this weird? Yes.

Different? Definitely.

Crazy? I'm done caring.

This is my photography, my passion, and my "why." I'm the only one who gets a say in the rules I make around it and I'm ready to start breaking some "rules" so I can give myself happiness, give service to others, and give unfettered and unburdened life to my art. 

april foolery kids!

If this isn't the cutest, happiest blog post you've seen... 

then, you're a lucky duck and have seen some FREAKIN' cute blog posts in your lifetime. ;) 

Lots of laughter, tickles, and a few pouts (for good measure) captured during a whole lotta back-to-back April Foolery Mini Sessions with my good friend, Heather Nan. These are a few favorites I managed to snag while taking my turn behind the camera. 

(Nikon F100 with Portra 400 film +1)

tiny mammoth academy

Stephanie Read is something else altogether. And it's not just because she has created the most beautiful home school sanctuary of love and learning, but because she is so completely unassuming and quietly confident in her role as a mother that it makes me want to a little bit have her adopt me. 

And can I tell you about these images for just a minute? Because I'm really happy with how this session turned out. For two reasons. 

1. I allowed myself to shoot in ways and places that I normally make a rule never to do or go. Like shooting up against strong backlight or in a dimly-lit basement- pretty basic film photography no-no's. But I decided to take some risks, not knowing how the results would fair. What came of that kind of free, creative play was a set of images that have a certain imperfectness and soul-filled roughness that actually feels quite perfect in the context of family life.

2. Half-way through our session, I handed a disposable flash camera to the older kids and told them they could shoot with it however they wanted. Then they were gone for a good 15 minutes with it. Every disposable camera image in this post (except the two photos of the kids and mom playing on the day bed) was taken by one of the three oldest. I left out the shot of the inside of the garbage can and a few pretty hilarious photos of me shooting (ha) but gosh, I just love knowing that there's a real piece of those darling kids- and their own view of their world- embedded within this little photo story. 

Like a bunch of old photos found in a dusty shoebox, the Read family only gets better with age. 

(Mamiya 645 ProTL, Nikon F100, Fuji Quick Snap with Fuji 400h and Kodak Tri-x film)

april foolery sessions with heather nan!

When my friend, Heather, and I decided to have a play date experimenting with film and flash, I honestly had no idea the resulting images would turn out THIS fun. As a mother and photographer who not only photographs her kids tons but also has other photographers photograph my kids...I seriously think these shots may be some of my MOST favorite images of my kids...ever. 

And now Heather and I want to make images like these of YOUR kids! 

Details: 

April 1st from 9am-5pm at Charcoal Loft Studio in SLC

Children and/or mama and children portraits (heck- you could even bring pets!)

Shot by BOTH Heather and myself...yup! TWO photographers for the price of one! 

Your choice of two color backdrops 

25-30 high-resolution image files

100% film

$225 

CLICK HERE TO BOOK YOUR SESSION! 

mystery babe/baby

Jessie. 

One of my very best, closest friends, business partner, macaroon-eater in crime, amazing photographer, freakishly similar to me in all but three ways (pizza, Disney, and Star Wars), amazing mother to three and three-quarters humans, hardest working boss pal...

AND...

she let me do whatever the heck I wanted for her maternity session. 

Love you, Jess. 

(Mamiya 645 ProTL with Fuji 400h film)

gnome place like home

For better or for worse, I don't often feel lots of mama guilt. I'm far from perfect and know I could be doing plenty of things better but, for the most part, I'm able to let go of the things I'm not awesome at and focus on the things I AM awesome at. 

But Jenny. Jenny makes me feel allllll the mama guilts- in only the best way ;) Within moments of walking into her home, you can feel of the goodness and love that she's worked every day to grow. Being a mother is her J.O.B. and she is quietly doing every aspect of that job beautifully. The focus, intention, and peace that comes from actively making her home a safe sanctuary, protected from the outside world, is something I want to become better at. Thank you, Jenny, for proving that it's possible. 

My favorite part of our session together was when I busted out the *disposable camera at the end and let the kids be in charge completely. So fun seeing these images and the way it gives me a small glimpse into who they are and how they experience the world. And, maybe it's just me and my nerdy film ways, but there's something about disposable camera images that just make me feel so good, deep down- like it's cutting right to the core of fuzzy and happy childhood memories. 

(Mamiya 645 ProTL with Fuji400h film and Fujifilm Quicksnap camera)

*Almost every disposable camera image was shot by either the 3 1/2 year-old daughter or the 5 year-old son.

i forget the rest

Have you ever known someone for years and always thought the world of them?-- like, you just can see and feel that they are an A++ human and then you have the joy of witnessing the way in which they get everything you've always felt they deserved in this life? 

Well. That's how I feel about the beautiful soul that is Mallory Stevens and this whole happy, amazing family situation she has going on. 

I love happy endings/beginnings. 

(Mamiya 645 ProTL with Fuji400h film)

hello world

World, Remi babe. Remi, world. 

I have a feeling you two are going to get along just swell. 

(Mamiya 645 ProTL and Canon eos3 with Portra 400 and Tri-x film)

beach light

Just...let go. 

(Canon eos3 with Portra400 film)

(image shot by Paisley, age 5)

(image shot by Paisley, age 5)